Hej from Copenhagen!
So earlier this morning while at Charles de Gaulle, I ranted for quite a bit on the niceties of courtship, and my current apparent stalemate with M- in this area. But in the past hour or so, I've had to admit that my problem isn't really with M-... it's with my own expectations, and the disappointment that results from my often inability to manage them.
So far, this Copenhagen trip has not been as expected.
When I agreed to join H- and friends for their weekend excursion, it was just a fun way to spend an otherwise unplanned weekend. But as the days drew nearer, my plans for the trip and ideas of what it would be like definitely grew.
A big part of it was the Distortion festival we'll be attending (fingers crossed! I've had a lot of issues with the tickets), which I haven't been able to help but build up in my mind.
Another part was the not-so-small hope that M- would, in the end, decide to join. I mean it was he, in fact, who on our very first date came up with the suggestion that we go to Copenhagen for Distortion- the first time it came up on my radar!
But, alas, M- is off to Madrid this weekend, and I'm here.
I've decided life will go on.
In the past few years, it's been made clear to me again and again that when I "keep calm", so to speak - when I approach something with a positive outlook, but no demands, I always end up very happy and fulfilled. In contrast, when I enter things in a state of excited agitation, with lots of ideas about how I will be fulfilled, and an expectation of happiness, I am almost always let down when things don't go exactly as I imagined.
Take movies, for example. I had zero, (read: ZERO), expectations for the latest X-Men film, and so was happily surprised when M- and I went and really enjoyed ourselves. Meanwhile, the rest of the world is still expressing their displeasure.
With people and parties - it's the same thing. When I expect a night to be great, I'm never fully in the moment, but instead always anticipating. When M- tells me we're going to Berlin, a million different daydreams start to play out in my head. When that happens, I forget to let things be - and when M- doesn't adhere to the script I've imagined, I feel like I've been let down.
So, to cut it short: expectations. I'm going to really try to have less of them, when it comes to everything around me and experiences. I'm going to keep a good attitude, but let what happens happen.
Now, Copenhagen. This day has mostly been a struggle with the tickets, but it's not the end of the world. I'm optimistic that we're still going to have a great time. Now, off for this once-in-a-lifetime adventure!